I’ve been out of university for almost five months now, and still no news on the job/career front. It’s pretty disheartening and depressing. I feel pretty lame that no-one wants to hire me. It also sucks watching some of my friends finishing up their degrees now and jumping straight into full-time work. It’s hard to be happy for them and not just seething with jealousy. It’s easy for people to say “just keep trying!” but that doesn’t actually do anything for me. It just makes me feel like I haven’t been trying hard enough already. It certainly doesn’t get me closer to a job. Fuck.
But I made a video on the subject, even though I was extremely nervous to do so. Lately I’ve been really enjoying sitting down and talking to a camera about my thoughts on a variety of things in my life and just in general. It feels relaxing and cathartic, and I especially love the editing process because it’s creative and at the end I have a completed little video to show for it. So I feel like I’ve achieved something. Even if it only gets 20 views.
Please watch it. I’m scared for you to, because I’m essentially opening myself up to judgment and critique which is sometimes hard when you’re cripplingly insecure (and people have reminded you that you’re fucking insecure like it’s a mistake you made and not a feature of your personality since you were an embryo). (I don’t remember what it was like being an embryo, but I was probably very insecure about it.) But it would also mean the world to me if you watch it. Because I hope it’ll help you understand the place I’m in right now. I want to be understood.