Pants Rants


Last Friday was apparently one of the coldest days in Wellington since the 70s. I could believe that. Here’s a selfie that I took after venturing outside and immediately regretting everything.

Here are a few things that have been in my mind/in my life lately.

Winter is here.

I mean, it was here before, but this past weekend was definitely the most wintry time of the year. Friday was bitterly cold, and the weekend was suitably rainy and miserable. We cooked a big roast and drank Baileys hot chocolates while we sat around trying to stream the highlights from the Olympics opening ceremony, but Sky Go wasn’t playing ball.

In Hastings, my parents experienced a couple of power outages on Saturday due to snow. Mum said she made soup on top of the fireplace, and also heated water that way so she could drink cups of tea. Dad said that my cat was sleeping on my bed like Garfield. Mum later sent me a photograph to prove it. In a weird way, I’m kinda jealous – it sounds like they had a cosy time and managed to improvise through the powercuts. There’s no fireplace in our flat, so if the power went out for an extended length of time in Wellington we’d all be fucked. At least I have my onesies.


Comet being Garfield. Photo by my mum.

An Olympic fuckaround.

I can’t believe how difficult it is to watch the Rio Olympics in New Zealand. It’s basically impossible if you don’t have a Sky subscription (I know Prime have some coverage, but they don’t stream online and we don’t have Freeview in our flat, so Sky is our only option). Kate’s dad was kind enough to let her use his Sky Go login to stream the Olympics, and Kate was kind enough to log me in on my computer so I could sit in bed on Saturday morning watching the opening ceremony. However! The quality was at its best severely average and at its worst a pixelated trainwreck. Occasionally it would cut out completely for no apparent reason, and Kate would have to log me back in again, which was annoying for her as she was trying to study. If Sky is going to insist on having a monopoly over Olympics coverage, you think they’d at least make sure their streaming service was of better quality, jeez.

Basically I’m just confused at how, in 2016, there is no decent, affordable (or better yet, free!) streaming service for watching the Olympics in this country. IT’S CURRENT YEAR, FOR CHRIST’S SAKE. I definitely got to see more Olympics in 2012, and that was when I was at school all day and so could only watch them on evenings and weekends. Now that I currently work nights, I was really looking forward to spending all day sat in front of my laptop watching Rio like a junkie. What a pipe dream that was.

The only bright side to this whole thing is that the Olympics are on at my gym, so last night I spent an hour on the exercycle watching men’s weightlifting (an Olympic event I’ve always delighted in). I consequently biked further than I ever have at the gym before, just because I was so wrapped up in the Olympics that I didn’t notice how long I’d been biking for. Seriously considering living at the gym through the rest of the Olympics, leaving only for work, food and sleep. I’d get so jacked and I wouldn’t even notice.

I did manage to get a soft toy Olympic kiwi from Countdown for only $10. Money well spent. His name is Lympie and he sits on my bed every day, lamenting the fact that he can’t watch his brothers and sisters competing for New Zealand over in Rio. Poor Lympie.


A rant about pants.

Why is it so bloody hard to find decent work pants for women? (Or like, decent pants for women in general, but that’s maybe a separate thing.) Since November I’ve been on the hunt for the perfect pair of pants that I can wear to work, and so far my search has been utterly fruitless. I’ve ended up spending more money than seems fair on pairs of pants that seem almost fine, but then turn out to have some terrible flaw that makes them an actual nightmare.

Here are my criteria for a good pair of work pants:

  1. Black (and not denim, because we’re not supposed to wear jeans).
  2. At least three working pockets that are actually big enough to hold things.
  3. A proper button. NOT a bloody dome, or worse, one of those annoying little metal clasp things that slips out almost immediately. When I’m at work, the last thing I want to have to worry about is my pants falling down in front of customers.
  4. Belt loops. Because, again: don’t want to be accidentally dropping trou while I’m serving wine to old white suits.
  5. A good, comfortable fit.
  6. Fifty dollars or less. I’m going to work, not a fashion show or high-class awards evening, so I don’t want to break the bank on a pair of fucking pants.

I feel like this is not too much to ask. And yet, none of the three pairs of pants I’ve gone through in the last ten months has fit all of these criteria! None of them have even met over half of these criteria! If anyone knows of somewhere where I can find pants that fit this description please let me know, I’m at the end of my tether.

This is a first-world country. Why we can’t make GOOD PANTS FOR WOMEN is beyond me. I’m sorry, I know there are far more serious things to worry about in this world, but it genuinely does frustrate me how few options women have when it comes to buying work-appropriate pants. Almost none of them have fucking pockets. They’re all those stupid fake ones. If you’re going to invest the time and energy into designing and making fake pockets, WHY NOT JUST INVEST THE SAME TIME AND ENERGY INTO DESIGNING AND MAKING REAL POCKETS?

It has infuriated me since the day I was old enough to start buying women’s pants. Almost a decade later and it’s still a thing.


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