First Week on 50mg


I found this picture on my camera roll; I think I took it last week. Last week seems like months ago now, honestly. But I liked this picture because, even though things were blurry and I was having such a hard time keeping everything together, I look genuinely happy and I’ve made an effort. I like that a lot.

This week I wanted to keep track of my progress for my first week on my new dosage of antidepressants. I thought that if things got bad, writing on this every day might help me through it. Luckily, it all went a lot smoother than I’d been prepared for. But it was still good to write down my thoughts and experiences each day and see how I came to get better.

Friday 21st August

Today I took a 50mg pill of sertraline for the first time. That might not seem like a big deal to those of you reading this, but when I first went on this antidepressant I had a week of fucking awfulness. So I’m pretty nervous. So far everything seems okay, but I won’t know for a couple of days yet if things are going to get weird. If upping the dosage helps me feel better though, it’ll be worth it.

Today I had my CREW 353 – Writing for Theatre workshop. We’ve got a great group of people who are really talented and come up with some crazy awesome ideas for stageplays. We always have a good laugh while we’re working, so that was a nice way to start the day.

Unfortunately I had to leave halfway through so I could make it to my bus (back to Hastings) on time. By that time I felt pretty crappy and I wondered if it was because of the meds. But I had a sleep on the bus and felt better by the time I got home.

I had a lovely bath this evening with Lush’s Twilight bath bomb. I was not expecting it to be as incredible as it was. It made a beautiful deep purple glittery bath that smelled like lavender. So relaxing. 11/10 would bathe again.

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Saturday 22nd August

Today the weather was beautifully fine, and it was an okay day for me. I went to the gym for an hour this morning, and had a lovely afternoon bath. It’s nice to be home and able to relax after a stressful few weeks at uni.

Sunday 23rd August

Haha so last night was pretty trash. I started watching a movie with my parents, but halfway through I began feeling really unwell and anxious. The movie was too loud and I was just scared of everything – I didn’t want to be anywhere. I was also too hot, sweating and feverish; I couldn’t stop shaking and I felt nauseous. I thought it was just severe anxiety so I took one of the new pills my doctor prescribed for when I have really bad anxiety moments. I think it worked, but I also felt really ill until I fell asleep. Mum thinks it was some kind of 24-hour bug, which I guess makes sense, because I feel a lot better today.

I’m scared of having a repeat of that experience this evening, but if it does happen again at least I’ve experienced it before and I know it won’t last forever. I’ve been kinda nervous and like monitoring my physical state very closely today, but so far everything’s been okay.

There’s some work for me at the winery if I want it, but if I do want it, it’s a serious commitment because there’s a big job that needs getting done. I’d love to help out, but I just don’t know how I’m going to be in terms of my health at the moment, and maybe it would be best if I just take some time off and focus on looking after myself.

I think writing on this every day is helping. Even though no-one’s going to read this for a week, it feels like I’m talking to someone, which is good, I guess.

Monday 24th August

Day four, and it’s been a good one. It was nice not to have any obligations and to just spend the day relaxing. I wouldn’t say there’s been a noticeable improvement, but at least I don’t feel crappy anymore. Let’s hope that continues. It’s supposed to be rainy tomorrow, but I’d like to try and make it to the gym anyway. Maybe just do some gentle exercise. We’ll see how that goes.

It was a beautiful warm and sunny spring day, and I got to watch TV and have cuddles with my cat.

Tuesday 25th August

I finished reading Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel today, and I highly recommend that you read it. If you know me, you’ll know that I’m terrible at reading for leisure. It usually takes me months to get through anything, and even when I do read, my preferred literary genre is trashy teen fiction that’s so terrible it’s just one long cringe. But I got this book in Melbourne (Emily St. John Mandel spoke at the awards evening) and it’s actually so freaking good. If I say ‘postapocalyptic novel’ I can imagine everyone rolling their eyes and going oh lord, not another The Divergent Games, but I promise you it’s nothing like that. It’s slow going for the first few chapters, but once you get into it, it’s gripping af. 10/10 would read again.

In other news, I’m not feeling super great today. Mentally I’m fine, but I feel really tired and drained and just generally off, so I’ve had a quiet day. I enjoyed a lovely long cinnamon bath this morning thanks to the Xmas Kisses bubble bar, but other than that, not much to report.

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Wednesday 26th August

So far it’s been a really good day and I’m feeling happy. After one grey day, it’s back to spring warmth and sunshine. I caught up with Tom for morning tea – we went to the cafe at the garden centre and sat in the sun and talked and it was super nice.

After that I went and got a candle for my room, which is burning now and smells amazing. The lady behind the counter at Farmers asked me if I was from French Canada because her son-in-law was from there and I sounded like him. Which is funny because I’ve lived in NZ all my life. Reminds me of when I was fifteen and worked on an orchard one summer, and the other workers would spend lunch breaks trying to figure out where my accent was from. And I’d be like, ‘I was born in Auckland lols’.

Plans for the rest of the day include tidying up my room and then hopefully making it to the gym. Maybe after that I’ll take a nice drive along the coast, because that’s always relaxing and enjoyable for me. I miss driving when I’m in Wellington.

My head feels clearer today than it has done in weeks. ❤

Thursday 27th August

I mean, so far this whole thing has been way less shit than I anticipated. Certainly 1000x less awful than when I first went on the meds.

This blog post has inadvertently turned into Lush propaganda, for which I refuse to apologise, because I had probably the most delicious bath of my life this afternoon. It was with Lord of Misrule bath bomb, one of the midwinter Christmas products I snatched up back in July. Everyone’s been raving about this bath bomb, but I didn’t get the hype until I put it in the water.

It smells incredible – this amazing combination of sweet and spicy that reminded me of Christmas baking. And the water went this incredible dark dark blue, like almost black. No-one else was home so I shamelessly spent more than an hour in there with my indie romance film playlist going and a candle burning while I just enjoyed how amazing everything smelled.


Friday 28th August

Today’s been kind of a bleh day. I’ve been fighting off jaw tension all day, and I haven’t done much. Also my limbs feel weirdly.. shaky? I guess that’s the word? Hopefully some sleep will make me feel better.

I also had a really disappointing bath bomb experience – the first disappointing bath Lush has ever given me. (Phoenix Rising – beautiful aesthetically, but too overpowering in terms of smell for me.)

So eh. I’m just hoping this is one of those trash days that everyone has sometimes, and after some sleep I’ll feel much better. Or maybe I’ve been sleeping too much and that’s the problem? Who knows. Oh well.

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Saturday 29th August

I actually ended up having a really nice evening last night, despite the kinda crappy day. Even though my bath was subpar, it did help me feel better, and I spent the rest of the evening watching TV with my family and cuddling my cat, so when bedtime came around I was feeling almost back to normal. Which is great!

Today was a really relaxing day, which was very welcome. I spent it with my family and my cat because I’m going back to Wellington tomorrow. I’m a little nervous about going downhill again once I’m back in the study environment, but things seem to be on the up-and-up for me now, so hopefully that trend continues. I’ll keep you posted.

I also recently picked up the Calm book (by the same people who created the Calm app, and also I haven’t read much of it, but I did read a few pages on the deck in the sunlight today – which, by the way, is an A+ way to unwind. It’s a very pretty book. There are lots of pictures and I really love the design, and it also has heaps of helpful tips on how to get to a place of calm. From what I’ve read so far, I feel like anxious people would benefit from it, and also people who simply lead stressful lives. So I’m excited to dip into it some more as I need to. Maybe I’ll do a proper review on Iron Beth once I’ve gotten through the whole thing.

 Sunday 30th August

Here's a picture of Comet doing some casual Sunday morning modelling.

Here’s a picture of Comet doing some casual Sunday morning modelling.

So here we are. I’m excited to be heading back to Wellington and getting stuck into the rest of the semester. I’m really happy that upping my dosage didn’t bring back any of the awful side-effects I experienced when I first went on sertraline, and that it’s been a relatively smooth transition. I’m feeling a lot better after a week of rest, and am optimistic about the future.


One thought on “First Week on 50mg

  1. Pingback: 25 Milligrams Again | Beth Rust

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